UnemploymentalityNovember 6, 2009Jon Brooks 3 Comments »
According to the site,
The unemploymentality is a transformative state of mind that is the result of a sudden loss of job. Initial symptoms include spite and resentment towards the ubiquitous “economy.” People in these early stages can often be found at bars and Speakeasys, their heads hung low over a pint. Later stages of the unemploymentality are subtle as it adapts to the individual’s social, political and cultural environment.
Unemploymentality logs news items about unemployment from all over the Web, as well as original entries like Hey, it’s okay if…
Hey, it’s okay if…
- …You’re willing to take what you can get at this point, and I don’t just mean job-wise.
- …You send your mom’s friend’s cousin’s wife’s best friend your resume. And then consider your weekly job search complete.
- …You don’t make your bed. Especially if you never really get out of it.
- …You’re jealous of people with jobs. Even people with crappy jobs.
- …You romanticize your former employer – it’s like an old lover. You complained about it incessantly at the time, but now that it’s gone all you can remember is the good stuff, like free toilet paper.
- …You despise your former employer. Who’s a romantic? Not you!
- …You’re enjoying unemployment. Just a little bit.
The blog also includes tips from Broke-ass Stuart, who writes, “Hi I’m Broke-Ass Stuart. I’ve been writing shit to help broke-asses for five years now…”
For example, How to Lower Your Cable Bill:
The cable companies always sucker you in by giving you some amazing introductory rate, and then hiking it up six months to a year after you join. It’s one of those things that you forget about until one day you look at your bill and say, “What the f***? Why did this double?” and then you look to make sure your dirtbag roommate didn’t order late night porno channel when he came home wasted. He probably did.
Well, just last week I was appalled at what we were paying for cable so I called the cable company up. I did some research beforehand to see what kind of sweet introductory rates they were offering at the time, and I asked to be switched to one of those. Unfortunately they said no, but then I said, “You know, I’ve been thinking of switching to the Dish Network because they are offering me a better deal, but I’m really happy with the service you’re giving me. Is there any way you can lower my rate?” At that point they switched me to some kind of “Customer Retention Department” and the lady there was able to take almost $40 off my bill! Not too shabby huh? These companies obviously want to keep you (and your money) so they can be more flexible than you think. Plus I think you would get the same result if you have Dish Network and threaten them that you are thinking of moving to cable.
…with so many of us either out of work, halfway in a few jobs, about to lose our job or starting a new job, I realize that as a professional necessity, you should ’up’ your image by positioning yourself as the busiest person alive. At all costs. No matter what.
Below are some examples. Godspeed:
-Someone says: “Are those reports due today? Looks like its gonna be another late night!”
You say: “Hehe no kidding. Someone order in dinner. AND breakfast cuz I’m gonna have to stay all night to finish all of MY work!”
–Someone says: “Is it seriously Monday already? I need a 4 day weekend to get my to-do list finished!”
You say: “My to-do list has your to-do list on it’s to-do list. And it already finished it. Last weekend.”
–Someone says: “Gosh I feel like I’ve been in meetings all day! And its only lunch.”
You say: “I just led a 6 hour, office and nation-wide conference call in which I opened and closed by singing the National Anthem. And we didn’t take any bathroom breaks. ”
Unemploymentality: coming to a job near you.